Change is on the wind

The past 24 hours have been magical.  We had our annual Burning Man Orphan Party, an event for all of us who are left behind during this week when our friends take the journey out into the desert.  This year was more intimate and relaxed than years past, as it seems that more of our people are in Nevada than ever before.  I enjoyed the energy of the evening immensely.  So often we throw parties and I feel as though I hardly saw anyone in the rush and madness of it all.  This year, I got quality time with nearly everyone.

Today we went for a hike up the big hill just a mile or so from our home.  In the past three years we've lived out here, Hubbybunch and I have never really explored those woods.  It was well worth the steep hike for the view we were rewarded with at the peak.  Gorgeous rolling hills, a clear blue sky, and a group of sweaty friends made it the perfect decompression.

Big changes are coming for me, as I have accepted a per diem hospice home care position.  I start next week.  And, pending a few details that need to be worked out, I am planning on moving to per diem status in the Emergency Department.  I kind of hit bottom with my compassion fatigue a few weeks ago, and realized that I absolutely MUST reduce the number of hours I'm spending submerged in that incredibly stressful (and at times, downright toxic) environment.  I will continue to lead the council and fulfill all of my extra-curricular obligations there, but the math is telling me that I can work half the hours and get paid the same, PLUS develop the other aspects of myself that have been so sorely neglected.

I got up in the air on the silks for the first time in weeks last night, and it felt incredible.  I won't be young, fit and healthy forever... if I'm going to do circus, I have to do it NOW.

Also, a demented old woman tried to bite my fingers off last week.

So that's that.

Circus, Careers, Cats and Balance

The last year of my life has left me with little time for reflection.   I feel as though I have dancing on a set of scales, trying desperately to find a balance between the many aspects of my life that are so important to me.

My career?  It's thriving.  I have become a Certified Emergency Nurse.  I am the Chair of one of our unit's Councils, and find myself in a position of leadership and influence that I don't think I ever expected or wanted.  I'm training in the trauma bay as one of our Trauma Core Nurses, a goal of mine for the past three years.  My stress level at work has gone up significantly, however... and the reality that I cannot maintain the pace of this full time for the next 40 years is setting in.  So I'm looking to go part time, if I can ever find another part time job in the area that I can enjoy... the search continues.

Our finances?  Could be better.  My car was absolutely DESTROYED in a horrendous hailstorm, which means I now own an AWD car that has towing capabilities (yay!), but I also have a car payment again (boo!).  Our water heater sprung a leak and needed replacement.  We finally had the chinking replaced and logs stained and sealed on the cabin part of our home, but that used up just about all the savings we had. Somehow, we need to come up with the cash to have our siding replaced (it's falling apart) before winter comes.

Our garden?  It's a wreck and a failure.  I have had NO time to tend to it and the weeds have taken over.  Yet again.

My circus training?  Earlier in the summer, things were going GREAT.  I was making tremendous progress, and even had a few performances that went really well.  Over the past few weeks, things have kind of ground to a halt, and I feel like all the progress I made in my strength, form and flexibility has reversed.  I know the only way to fix it is to get back on the training wagon, but it is easier said than done.

Our critters?  Well, a feral tortie had a litter under our porch, and we still have one little orange/white kitten who needs to be adopted by some loving soul.  That brings the total number of cats in our house to 7.  Yeah, that's crazy.  But at least they're all healthy and sweet!  The chickens have been hiding/eating their eggs, the ducks all disappeared or were eaten this past winter, and Flower, our skunk, had to have $500 worth of dental surgery... but she has recovered nicely and is herself again.

Household stuff?  I've only recently started attempting to home cook healthy meals again... for a long while, we were living on bagels, sushi and thai takeout.  Trying to reprioritize our nutrition is again taking some serious effort and time.  There are still dishes in the sink.

The struggle continues, as I try my very hardest to juggle ALL of the things with only two hands.  Someday I'll find a way to be a fit, calm, well-fed part-time trauma and part-time office nurse and circus artist who lives in a clean house with a husband who gets enough attention and a bountiful garden and a balanced schedule that allows for sleep, training, time with friends, time alone, time for school, and time for crafting/journaling/voice lessons/baby goats.

Gratitude for frozen pipes.

This has been a brutal winter here in Pennsylvania.  After several years of relatively mild weather during the dark months of the year, nature is reminding us that she is unpredictable and wild still. 

Given that Hubbybunch and I heat our home exclusively with one hard-working Woodstock soapstone woodstove, trying to keep the house from freezing is a full-time job on days like today.  Unfortunately, our efforts to keep our pipes from freezing last night (turning the water off entirely and draining the pipes) backfired, and the damn supply pipe coming up from the well through the ground in the basement froze instead.  We had no running water whatsoever.  Not good. 

So, we rigged a space heater under a sleeping bag tent over that section of pipe, brought our coffee to the freezing cold basement, and watched it like a hawk so we wouldn't burn our house down.  It worked!  The pipe thawed, and flow was restored... mostly.  We have every faucet in the house dripping, and I'm home today and have been feeding the stove hourly to try to warm things up in here.  It may freeze again tonight when the temperature plummets to zero again.  But we'll deal with it as it comes.  The hot water pipe in our kitchen wall is still frozen, as it the cold water to the toilet in the adjacent powder room.

This sort of thing makes me want to hunt down the Johnny-homeowner who built that section of the house and smash his face in.  I suppose they decided that insulating the exterior walls wasn't that important.  They're completely hollow.  This spring/summer, we're going to have to rip open that entire side of the house, install insulation, and replace the siding.  We'd LOVE to get another small woodstove set up in there as well.  Where we'll find the cash for that kind of project I don't know.  But it has to happen before next winter, somehow. 

Regardless of the cold, the anxiety, and the interruption of our normally scheduled programming due to plumbing emergencies, we're surviving... and I don't regret this path we've chosen. This shitty little old broken house might be costing us a fortune in repairs and lost sleep, but it's OURS.  I'd rather be blow-drying my frozen pipes than dreaming up ways to murder a noisy, inconsiderate neighbor... or wishing with all my heart that I had just a little spot somewhere to plant some carrots.

Still alive!

It's been nearly 7 months since I've posted on this blog... a very, very busy 7 months.

I'm not even sure where to begin with the catching up, so I think I'm just going to skip it and summarize in one big long sentence: tons of festivals and burns, camping and circus arts, parties and journeys and friends and love and more circus and house projects and nesting and working my ass off and failing at gardening and hardly having time to think and injuring my back and still recovering from said injury and helping my mom move and drinking tea.

Now we're up to date!

Christmas is fast approaching.  Each year I make Christmas tree ornaments to gift to family and friends.  In years past I made little yarn balls and knitting needles in walnut shell baskets, amanita mushrooms, etc.  This year I discovered these wonderful free patterns from Downeast Thunder Farm http://www.downeastthunderfarm.com/tag/felt-bird-ornaments/.  They are adorable, and super easy to make.  Everyone is getting a snowy owl, plus one that is unique to them (one friend studied sandpipers as a wildlife biologist, another identifies the red-tailed hawk as their spirit animal, etc).  They look super cute tucked into the gift baskets I'm making of tea, incense, candles, and natural body products. 

Hubbybunch and I are going to be hosting dinner on Christmas Eve this year, and I find myself having to cook a well rounded vegetarian and gluten free meal that maintains the festive and heart holiday meal traditions. Thus far, my menu plan includes:

Creamy tomato soup
Sundried tomato and feta frittata
Mashed potatoes
Sweet potato casserole
Green beans with almonds
Quinoa salad
Green salad
Cranberry mold

My sister is going to bake some mystery gluten free dessert while is bound to be delicious, and I'm going to whip up just a few of our favorite cookies, including lavender shortbread, gingerbread and biscotti.

May, in two sweaters.

It is the end of May, soon to be June, and I am STILL wearing two sweaters to keep the chill away on this rainy morning!  The weather has been extremely bipolar, alternating between chilly rains and 90-degree scorchers.  I put the A/C unit in our bedroom window last week, and the following day piled two comforters on the bed.  It makes no sense at all.

I've been busy lately, with work and projects, including my role as vendor coordinator and first aid leader at a fire and flow arts festival that is approaching in two weeks time.  In addition, we managed to break our IKEA bed, and my latest project this past weekend was building us a new one!!

Browsing on the internet, I was inspired by photos of hanging beds that people have made.  We have exposed beams in our bedroom ceiling, and I thought to myself that we could certainly make such an idea a reality in our room. 

I started by searching through the piles of old lumber, windows and hay in the barn, left there for god knows how many years.  I found some beams that were likely original to the barn, and therefore 200 years old.  They were filthy, but solid, and just the right length for our queen size mattress.

 

 

I also found, by happy accident, an old case, in which I found a 1920s typewriter.  With a little cleaning and TLC, I learned it works!

 

 

 

 

Anyway, I sanded the beams, ground down or hammered in the exposed nails, and shined them up really nicely with tung oil.  They turned out beautifully.

 

 

 

 

We screwed a 2x3 to the inner lower edge of each, to act as a rail for the support planks that would form the platform our mattress would be resting on. 

 





 



 

The most difficult part of the process was carrying it into the house.  That ish was heavy as hell.  We are now simply waiting for the 1 1/4" manila rope to arrive in the mail.  We will drill a hold through the ends of the header and footer beams, attach the rope, and hang it from heavy duty ring plates attached to the ceiling beams.  If we angle the ropes out away from the center of the bed, it will have a minimal amount of swing, but still be a nifty floating bed!

 



In the meantime, it's really nice to be sleeping on a bed that isn't caving in at its center!

I'd also like to introduce a new member of the clan, the Lady Marquis de Carabas. 

 

The Lady Marquis came to us as a surprise.  On my morning drive to work, I noticed a strange sight: a little black and white domestic rabbit running wild in a corn field with the native brown bunnies.

 



It was obvious that she was a pet that someone had abandoned.  For two weeks, I would pull my car over and try to catch the little dear.  She would let me get close, but never close enough to grab her.  One evening, the folks across the road saw me chasing her.  They told me that each afternoon, she would cross the street to lay in the shade under the boat in the driveway.  They said that they were trying to earn her trust to catch her and find her a home as well.  Together, we concocted a plan that involved a net.  The next afternoon, they called me to say they had her trapped in a net, and could I come get her??

 

 

I went over right away, and within a few minutes we were back home and I was giving her a bath in our tub.  She had a few fleas, and a tick on her ear, and as I bathed her I felt hard nodules in the fold of her neck.  Concerned, I called our vet and took her in for a checkup.  Upon inspection, the vet said that it was bird shot.  Some horrible person had been shooting at this beautiful little critter, and she was lucky to have survived. The wounds had healed over, however, and there was no sign of infection.  We went home with a clean bill of health.



So now our lovely little friend lives in what used to be the chicken tractor, moving about on the lawn twice each day to get the tastiest of the clover, dandelion and grass.  She is fat, healthy, and lets me pet her, though being held still makes her panic and kick.  I'm hoping she'll warm up to us a bit with some time.

Beltane rising...

We're still a couple of weeks away from our frost date, but spring feels like it is in full swing around our little homestead.  The nights remain chilly, and a sweater and thick socks are definitely required this morning, but our plant friends are pushing through and turning their faces to the lengthening sunlight.  And it actually feels as though we are making some progress on our projects!

We noticed that the section of wall between our laundry alcove and kitchen was thick, and sounded hollow.  We did some exploratory demolition, and found a whole lot of empty space, as well as old disconnected pipes, newspapers from the 1920s, and really ugly linoleum. 

 

We turned that ish into a pantry!

 

 

Daffodils in our woods.

Frost in the greenhouse.

 



 

Grumpy gargoyle in predawn fog.

 

A springtime altar.

 

The hillside, which faces the street in front of our house, has been a wreck of walnut saplings, poison ivy, wild strawberry and catnip.  I am SLOWLY winning the battle, with lots of elbow grease and mulch, bulbs and butterfly bushes, stonecrop and sage, hostas and phlox!

 

This hillside is/was another wreck of pricker bushes, sumac, and trash discarded by previous owners... and is full of groundhog holes and snakes.  We are clearing it and building the longest stone wall we've ever built... and eventually, it will be terraced and planted with wild blueberries, and maybe some grapes!

 

This table was an antique gifted to us by a friend.  It was beat up, but an interesting pieces of solid wood and cast iron.  Hubbybunch refinished it, and it is now our new dining room table.

 

Our roses survived the winter, and have now been mulches with cocoa shells... we're calling this our Valentine garden... roses and chocolate, yum!

Having cleaned up the trellis for the hops, I used last year's dead vines to make wreaths.  Much easier to work with than grape vines.

 



 

We've been spending some time cleaning and organizing the barn, and have finally made room for this to become a real dance and circus studio space. 

 

 

Our homemade benches have passed the weight test of our Aries party earlier this month, and the cats seem to approve.

The gardener in me was dismayed to find a nest of these little guys well within the borders of my fenced vegetable garden... but the girl in me shrieked with joy, gently cradled them in my hands, snapped photos, and tucked them back in safely.  We'll deal with relocating them after they are grown up a bit, the little dears!!!

 



 

While on an unsuccessful morel mushroom hunt, I came across this shy gentleman trying to blend in with the forest floor!

 

 

The Spring Equinox

Yesterday marked the very first day of Spring.  I can't say I was too impressed, as a dusting of snow moved in and I spent most of the day stuck in bed with a migraine.  Today, the temperature is hovering around 40 degrees and the cats have the right of it, sleeping by the hearth in a pile. 

Despite these obvious signs that winter still has its fingernails dug into the surface of the earth, it WAS light enough when Hubbybunch got home from work last night to go for a quick run.  And the daffodils are starting to lift their sleepy eyelids and show some sunny yellow, too!  The warmth and light IS coming... it's just coming in fits and starts, that's all.

I worked an extra little four-hour shift this morning, and spent all of it in the front of triage.  I haven't written much about it, but every fiber of my being LOATHES being in triage.  It wouldn't be so bad if we weren't so busy, but when there are more than 150 people in your department, and 80 of them are in triage waiting for beds, and at least 30 of them are sick enough to really, really need one, with no end in sight and more people pouring the door, and no cardiac monitors and no staff and the hallway is so jam-packed with people on litters and in wheelchairs and asking when they're getting to a room and... and...!  Every minute I am out there I feel like I am just WAITING to be sued.  There is absolutely no way to keep an eye on all of those people at once, especially not when you have the constant influx of more and more and more of them needing triage. 

It is absolutely chaotic. 

However, I did have a truly pleasureable experience out there today.

I call a patient to my booth to get her basic triage information.  I recognize her immediately as one of our frequent flyer "migraine" patients who just happens to be allergic to tylenol, ibuprofen, aspirin, naproxen, toradol, morphine, oxycodone, hydrocodone, and metoclopramide (aka, everything on the planet except The Big D: Dilaudid). 

Now, it's not my place to say whether or not she has pain.  I reserve judgement as best I can, even when if comes to the every-other-day-regulars who have such a predictable pattern of behavior.

However, anyone who suffers from migraines would agree that it seems HIGHLY unlikely that someone who is stuffing McDonald's down their throat, talking loudly and playing games on their cell phone is truly suffering from "10/10 migraine pain".  It's not impossible, mind you, but unlikely.

So I ask about her symptoms, her medical history, medications, ALLERGIES, etc.  I ask how she got to the ER today.  She says someone dropped her off.

I also ask if the little girl at her side is her child.  She says yes. 

I say to her, with an absolutely straight face and matter-of-fact tone of voice, "just so you know, they will not give you any kind of sedating or narcotic medications for your pain until someone else arrives who can take responsibility for your child". 

She gives me a blank stare for a second or two, then says, "....uh, what?"

I repeat my statement, explaining that there has to be an unimpaired, responsible adult present to care for the child and provide safe transportation home before any of our providers will administer those kinds of medications to the child's parent. 

She becomes visibly angry, and stands up, stomping her foot, and says, "Well then I'm leaving!"

"Ok.  Hope you feel better," is my only response, as I turn back to my computer screen, click the "left without treatment" button and dismiss her name from the patient tracking board. 

SATISFACTION.