I have many of them in front of me, and I'm feeling the pressure tonight.
I've mentally and emotionally committed to going back to school. Okay. That's not really that tremendous. I've always figured I'd go back to get my BSN. But what about after that??
Each time I've gone on a job interview, and I've been asked about my long term goals, I've given the same answer: "Eventually I want to get my master's degree in nursing, ideally a dual degree to become a Certified Nurse Midwife and a Women's Health Nurse Practitioner".
It sounds good, right?
I feel called to women's health... and I feel passionate about natural childbirth and advocating for women who want to have a birth experience with minimal medical intervention. It means a lot to me. Some people find this strange, given that Hubbybunch and I made a very final decision that we won't have children of our own. Why would a woman who has no desire to birth her own children feel so strongly about the birth experiences of others? I don't have a good answer to that question. I just do.
However, it is very hard for me to say with absolutely certainty that I really want to go down that path with my higher education. This is in part because I have yet to work in women's healthcare. My work in the ER brings me a bit closer, as I occasionally get to care for pregnant women, auscultate for fetal heart tones, etc... but I am very unlikely to actually care for a woman in active labor. Whenever such a patient comes in the front door, we send them straight up to the labor and delivery department. Unfortunately, there are absolutely NO JOBS in labor and delivery for nurses who have not worked in that field for at least a decade.
A master's degree is a huge investment of my time, energy, and money. I'd like to know for sure what returns I can expect before making that sort of decision. And if there are no jobs in L&D now, why should I assume that I'll be able to find gainful employment after I complete my degree? I don't want to spend the rest of my life performing PAP smears in a doctor's office. That isn't where I want to end up after years of study and thousands of dollars.
I could, of course, simply remain a staff nurse. There is no shame in that... but it does limit me in my future prospects.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
It has begun...
...I am starting to seriously look at BSN programs. The hospital I work for just increased its tuition assistance amount for full time employees, and since I've decided that I'm going to be there for a few years, I might as well take advantage of it. Mind you, I'm not really looking forward to it. The concept of full time school on top of full time work is rather overwhelming. But if I want to further my career, and get paid more (I took a significant pay cut when I took this job in the ER), I need to pursue a higher degree. And I should work on becoming a Certified Emergency Nurse (even though if we're honest, we know that any nurse who works in the ER has to be certifiable).
I'm going to aim to start classes next Fall. Maybe by then I'll be feeling enthused?
I'm going to aim to start classes next Fall. Maybe by then I'll be feeling enthused?
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Inspired...
...to reflect on these past few years...
Four years ago, I was living at my mother's house. I had just withdrawn from one nursing school to transfer to another... requiring that I take almost a year off from school to await admission to the nursing program of my choice. I was very lost. I didn't know who I wanted to be. I was dating the wrong man. I was digging a 3x4 foot herb garden in my mother's front lawn. I was beginning a nine-month herbalist training course, working two dissatisfying jobs, and searching.
Three years ago, I was living at my mother's house, fitting my whole life into a single room. I was going to nursing school full time. I'd been dating my boyfriend for a few months, and kindling secret hope for a future. I was excited, broke as broke can be, and hoopdancing my heart out on a daily basis. I was so thrilled to be learning again, to be loved, to be moving forward. I felt like my life had just started.
Two years ago, I had just graduated nursing school and come home from my first time at Burning Man. I moved in with my boyfriend, and we were fitting both of our lives into an urban basement apartment. I could not find a nursing job for the life of me. I was terrified that I'd fail my boards. I was digging a few raised beds in the little backyard amongst our handful of chickens. I was working as a phlebotomist at a small community hospital, teaching hoop dance classes and taking paid fire gigs, and still barely making ends meet enough to pay my half of the rent. I was singing and drumming with my neighbor on a regular basis. I had my one cat, Big Girl, who has been my best friend since my 15th birthday. I was just beginning to learn what it felt to have a place of my own, and envisioning what I wanted my life to look like.
One year ago, I was still living in that urban apartment with my fiance. I was working night shift on a telemetry and PCU unit in a small community hospital... and I was still excited about that job at that time. I had just started talking to my fiance about the possibility of buying a home within the year.. could we do it? Could we afford it? Where do we start looking? We were planning a wedding, outgrowing our living space, and desperately lusting after land. I had three cats, Big Girl, Nano, and Sammy... and they were outgrowing our living space too. I was reading homesteading blogs and daydreaming about how it would feel to put my hands in the earth on my own slice of heaven. I knew what I wanted, but I didn't know how to get there.
This autumn, I am a happily married woman. I work as a nurse in one of the busiest emergency rooms in the northeastern US, I am trauma certified and damn good at what I do. I harvest freshly cut salad for dinner from our greenhouse. I carry wood from our barn to feed the fire in our wood stove. I eat scrambled duck eggs for breakfast, collected from secret grass nests along the shore of our pond. I wake up next to the best man in the world, in our own house, on our own five acres of beautiful land. I know what I want from my life. I know who I want to spend it with. I know who I am.
Four years, and I somehow went from lost, alone, and hungry... to being Home.
Four years ago, I was living at my mother's house. I had just withdrawn from one nursing school to transfer to another... requiring that I take almost a year off from school to await admission to the nursing program of my choice. I was very lost. I didn't know who I wanted to be. I was dating the wrong man. I was digging a 3x4 foot herb garden in my mother's front lawn. I was beginning a nine-month herbalist training course, working two dissatisfying jobs, and searching.
Three years ago, I was living at my mother's house, fitting my whole life into a single room. I was going to nursing school full time. I'd been dating my boyfriend for a few months, and kindling secret hope for a future. I was excited, broke as broke can be, and hoopdancing my heart out on a daily basis. I was so thrilled to be learning again, to be loved, to be moving forward. I felt like my life had just started.
Two years ago, I had just graduated nursing school and come home from my first time at Burning Man. I moved in with my boyfriend, and we were fitting both of our lives into an urban basement apartment. I could not find a nursing job for the life of me. I was terrified that I'd fail my boards. I was digging a few raised beds in the little backyard amongst our handful of chickens. I was working as a phlebotomist at a small community hospital, teaching hoop dance classes and taking paid fire gigs, and still barely making ends meet enough to pay my half of the rent. I was singing and drumming with my neighbor on a regular basis. I had my one cat, Big Girl, who has been my best friend since my 15th birthday. I was just beginning to learn what it felt to have a place of my own, and envisioning what I wanted my life to look like.
One year ago, I was still living in that urban apartment with my fiance. I was working night shift on a telemetry and PCU unit in a small community hospital... and I was still excited about that job at that time. I had just started talking to my fiance about the possibility of buying a home within the year.. could we do it? Could we afford it? Where do we start looking? We were planning a wedding, outgrowing our living space, and desperately lusting after land. I had three cats, Big Girl, Nano, and Sammy... and they were outgrowing our living space too. I was reading homesteading blogs and daydreaming about how it would feel to put my hands in the earth on my own slice of heaven. I knew what I wanted, but I didn't know how to get there.
This autumn, I am a happily married woman. I work as a nurse in one of the busiest emergency rooms in the northeastern US, I am trauma certified and damn good at what I do. I harvest freshly cut salad for dinner from our greenhouse. I carry wood from our barn to feed the fire in our wood stove. I eat scrambled duck eggs for breakfast, collected from secret grass nests along the shore of our pond. I wake up next to the best man in the world, in our own house, on our own five acres of beautiful land. I know what I want from my life. I know who I want to spend it with. I know who I am.
Four years, and I somehow went from lost, alone, and hungry... to being Home.
Friday, November 04, 2011
We're back to Autumn... for now...
The 4.5 inches of snow we got last weekend has melted, and has left a certain amount of carnage in its wake. We lost many trees... such heavy, icy snow falling on trees that still had their leaves was not ideal. Our big pawpaw tree has split in two, as well as the Party Tree in the center of the clearing where we got married.... many others have lost large limbs or fallen over entirely. It's sad to me, but at least I know that the trees will not have died in vain. This weekend is supposed to be nice, and I anticipate hearing the roar of the chainsaw for a large portion of it. We have a stove, and it is hungry. These dead and dying trees will feed the stove next year, after they've been cut, split, stacked and seasoned. They gave us fruit, shade, and beauty in life.. they'll give us warmth in death.
The ducks have FINALLY started to lay eggs! I'd never eaten a duck egg before this past week. Hubbybunch scrambled them up in a skillet and melted some sharp cheddar on top... and they were incredibly delicious. They were creamier, and tasted more fatty than chicken eggs. Now if we could just get the ladies to lay consistently in their cozy little duck house, that would be even better. We're finding the eggs all over the place, and I'm sure we're NOT finding others!
One of our younger Ameraucanas has started laying as well, but she's the only one of the newer birds to do so. Daffodil went on permanent walkabout one day last week... she was our best layer, and one evening she just wasn't there when we went to close the coop up. There were no feathers, no signs of a struggle like we've seen in the past when a predator gets a hold of a bird... she just vanished. We miss her, she was one of the original four chicks that Hubbybunch's mother gave us three and a half years ago.
I've been granted my wish of a day shift position at work, much to my relief. I spent two weeks on nights, and while the people I worked with were great and I slept just fine during the day... it was really hard not seeing my husband for 24 hours at a time. Yesterday was the last day of my orientation at work... and I'm now officially counted as a real person! Next week I'm on my own, and I admit I am a little bit nervous. But I simply keep telling myself that time after time, I've proven that I have the skills to do this job well. I'm still learning, but so is everyone else, even those nurses who have been doing this for decades. There will always be something new and unfamiliar, but that doesn't mean that I won't be able to deal with it.
Right??
The ducks have FINALLY started to lay eggs! I'd never eaten a duck egg before this past week. Hubbybunch scrambled them up in a skillet and melted some sharp cheddar on top... and they were incredibly delicious. They were creamier, and tasted more fatty than chicken eggs. Now if we could just get the ladies to lay consistently in their cozy little duck house, that would be even better. We're finding the eggs all over the place, and I'm sure we're NOT finding others!
One of our younger Ameraucanas has started laying as well, but she's the only one of the newer birds to do so. Daffodil went on permanent walkabout one day last week... she was our best layer, and one evening she just wasn't there when we went to close the coop up. There were no feathers, no signs of a struggle like we've seen in the past when a predator gets a hold of a bird... she just vanished. We miss her, she was one of the original four chicks that Hubbybunch's mother gave us three and a half years ago.
I've been granted my wish of a day shift position at work, much to my relief. I spent two weeks on nights, and while the people I worked with were great and I slept just fine during the day... it was really hard not seeing my husband for 24 hours at a time. Yesterday was the last day of my orientation at work... and I'm now officially counted as a real person! Next week I'm on my own, and I admit I am a little bit nervous. But I simply keep telling myself that time after time, I've proven that I have the skills to do this job well. I'm still learning, but so is everyone else, even those nurses who have been doing this for decades. There will always be something new and unfamiliar, but that doesn't mean that I won't be able to deal with it.
Right??
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