My fever is broken!!

Hurrah!  Hurray!  Weee!!

I'm still not feeling 100%, but I feel a heck of alot better than I did 4.6 degree ago!

This means that today I got out into the garden (in fact, out into the world at ALL) for the first time since Wednesday morning.  And, I discovered some of our lovely tomatoes were showing signs of blossom-end rot.  Le sigh.  Apparently I haven't been watering enough... or maybe there isn't enough calcium in the soil... either way, I sprinkled a generous amount of powdered milk at the base of each and will henceforth be watering religiously.  Only a few of the fruit needed to be tossed to the chickens, so hopefully I caught it early enough to prevent a big loss.

I also discovered several zucchini that should have been picked days ago... one was the size of my forearm... so the poor dears are relegated to baking purposes only, as the flavor and texture aren't quite right for eating on their own at that size.  They yielded 9 cups of shredded zucchini.  Yipes.  Looks like I'll be getting a head start on our freezer supply of zucchini bread.  I'm baking my way through the massive bowl of batter, but have only three loaf pans to work with, so it's slow going over here.  I'm going to be up late tonight.  I am reminded of a part of "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle" by Barbara Kingsolver in which she describes the desperate attempts gardeners make to rid themselves of their excess of zucchini.... and to protect themselves from being "gifted" with the same.  And it's only the end of June....

Zucchini Bread

2 eggs
1.5 c sugar
0.5 c honey
1 c vegetable oil
2 c grated raw zucchini
3 tsp vanilla
1 c whole wheat flour
2 c all purpose flour
1 tsp kosher salt
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp baking powder
3 tsp ground cinnamon
1 c sunflower seeds (or chopped walnuts/filberts, whatever you prefer)

Beat the eggs until light and foamy.  Add the zucchini, sugar, oil, and vanilla and mix well.  Combine flour salt, soda, power and cinnamon in a separate bowl, mix well, then add to wet ingredients.  Stir until well blended, add seeds/nuts, and pour into two greased loaf pans.  Bake at 350 degrees for about an hour. 
Alternately, add chocolate chips and bake in muffin pans... delicious and sinful.
These loaves keep well at room temperature, and freeze beautifully too!

...Again??

...I'm sick.  Feels like the flu. We'll know soon enough, if it persists beyond today, I call it the flu, and I call out of work tonight.

Had a horrible night at work last night.  Continuous bladder irrigation, blood transfusions, stinky colostomies, combative, demented patients screaming their heads off and throwing punches each time I tried to go near enough to find out what was the matter.  All with a fever, body aches, nausea, and a sore throat that won't quit. 

Time to curl up under the covers and try to heal.

Sweet corn pancakes, mud and zucchini.

Well, Honeybunch and I completed the 10k adventure race "mud run" this past weekend.  What a challenge!  6.3 miles of running, climbing, swimming, mucking, jumping, sliding, and belly-crawling through mud.  We were literally up to our ears in mud!  I really enjoyed the obstacles (think bootcamp on a rainy day... cargo nets, hurdles, walking across a ravine on ropes), and the pure ridiculousness of being so incredibly filthy.  We got hosed down by a fire truck after completing the race, and it still took three cycles through the washing machine to get our clothes (mostly) clean.

A local farm has already begun harvesting sweet corn and blueberries, which is positively thrilling me.  This past weekend I made sweet corn pancakes with homemade raw butter (which turned out so neon yellow I could hardly believe it).  It tasted like heaven.  The recipe I use is adapted from one given to me by dear TreeMan.  His mother used to make them in batches for 60+ people at a time!!  We've divided the recipe to serve about 10 people, and you can halve it again if you want but I find that these are best when shared with neighbors and friends.  I fyou want pure, straight-up buttermilk pancakes, the original recipe called for all white flour and no spices/vanilla.  I personally can't resist fuddling with it to complement whatever goodies I'm adding (corn, blueberries, raspberries, chocolate chips...).  I've added other spices and whole grain flours with great success, so feel free to experiment so long as you keep the proportions in tact.


Sweet Corn Pancakes

Mix in batches to feed 10 people at a time as listed below.
4 ½ c. flour (I usually use 2 c. whole wheat flour and 1/2 c. finely ground corn meal here)
1/4 c. sugar
2 tbsp + 2 tsp. baking powder
2 tsp. soda
2 tsp. salt
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp cardamom
2 tsp vanilla extract
4 eggs
½ c. oil
6 c. buttermilk*
1 c. fresh or frozen sweet corn kernels (or other goodies).
Sift dry ingredients together.  Beat eggs in a separate bowl. Stir in oil and buttermilk and beat together.
Add to dry ingredients, stirring only until dry ingredients are completely moistened.  Fold in corn.  DO NOT OVER BEAT!
Brush hot griddle with vegetable oil and fry, turning once.  My rule of thumb is to turn my pancakes when there are at least 5 bubbles forming in the center of the cake.

Serve with fresh butter and warmed maple syrup.  These keep well in the fridge for several days and can be gently reheated in the oven with great success. 

* Add a tablespoon of vinegar to a cup of milk and let it stand for five minutes and you have made buttermilk.

Our garden is providing us with snow and snap peas, green beans, lettuces, carrots and zucchini now.  A few little hot peppers the size of my little finger sprung up overnight where I swear there had just been flowers yesterday.  Despite having cages as support, I've had to tie up the branches of our tomato plants to keep them from breaking with the weight of the fruit growing on them.  They're positively loaded, and some of the fruit are already as big as my fist.  Next year I may invest in some Texas Tomato cages like these http://tomatocage.com/, as my tomato plants are almost taller than I am and stretching far above the funnel-shaped wire cages I used to support them.

The chickens haven't laid eggs for the past two days.  I'm wondering what the heck is going on with them... they don't appear to be molting, they're acting normal and healthy... just no eggs.  I've searched the yard to see if they had a hidden nest somewhere but there's nothing.  Very curious.  I suppose they're lucky we're vegetarian... but if they keep this up I might make an exception!!

Not really.  I love those birds.  I'd keep chickens even if they didn't lay eggs, just for their antics and snuggles. 

Oh, Popcorn.  You act so tough in the yard but you're really just a big ol' softie!!

Bringin work home with me.

I found it rather surreal this morning when I came home from working on a cardiac floor all night and awakened my Honeybunch to have him sit up and bed and tell me that his "heart feels weird".  

He was having palpitations, and as I pressed my ear to his chest I heard his heart beating irregularly and rapidly.  When it did not pass after a couple minutes, I said that I thought we should go to the ER.  He agreed, and went to take an aspirin (he has Factor V Leiden, which makes him more at risk to develop blood clots).  As he bent to drink from the faucet, the palpitations vanished, and upon listening to his heart I found it pulsing out its usual slow, steady drumbeat.  At first I was relieved, but the suddenness with which the rapid irregular nature of the rhythm went away made it even more weird.  The concerns lingered and we went to the ER to have him checked out.

The telemetry monitor wanted to make him look like a liar, and he sat in the cot for four hours with a perfect sinus waveform bouncing across the screen. 

It was really, really strange to be on both sides of the situation in one morning.

I'm a worry-wort and I know it.  I'm that family member who all nurses wish didn't exist... works in healthcare, watching every move you make, asking questions, suggesting theories, anxiously glued to the bedside.  I was irritated that no one else seemed concerned about the Factor V Leiden history in combination with symptoms that sounded VERY much to me like paroxysmal atrial fibrillation.  Hello thrombus?? 

Finally, doc comes back with news.  Blood work is fine, chest x-ray is fine, D-Dimer (a blood test used to screen for clots) is within normal limits. Follow up with your PCP and avoid caffeine, they say.

Relieved, but still unsettled.  Wishing I had a homemade EKG machine at the ready for if/when it happens again.  Honeybunch thinks that he can make one pretty easily, which I find hilariously amusing. 

Either way, I'm likely to be even more patient and sympathetic towards anxious family members than usual at work tonight.

Round two and running.

The season is moving on.  Spinach and strawberries are waning, to be replaced by zucchini and cherries.  The sight of cherries at the farmer's market this past weekend was such a thrill... they looked like such beautiful little jewels, in their red and blushing yellow! 

A few recent night runs on the rocky trails of our local woodlands have led me to discover the downside of "barefoot" running (in Vibram FiveFingers)... stubbed toes!  Goodness me, my left foot is throbbing today from the many expletive-laced encounters with rocks and roots last night.  This revelation about running shoes has enabled me to run painlessly in regards to my knees, hips and back... but my toes are taking a serious beating.  I suppose I should run by daylight instead of by the light of a red headlamp, at least until I learn to pick up my feet.  However, night runs feel so damn good... the chilled air, the rich smells of cooling earth, the quiet... so far we haven't come across anyone else on the trails at night.  It's much easier to get me out there at night than on a 90 degree afternoon.

The 10k mud race is this Saturday, and I'm fairly certain that I'll end up walking a good portion of it.  I'm getting stronger and running longer, but I'm unlikely to finish the race without stopping to walk once each half mile.  I'm okay with that.  The whole point of running in general is to have fun, and the point of this race is to have fun and raise funds for a good cause.  Whether I walk or run across the finish line, I'll enjoy the process.

BEST ICE CREAM EVER.

Seriously.  And the easiest to make.  No cooking up egg custard and waiting for it to cool... just whip it up and throw it in the ice cream maker!!  We used some honey as well and it is simply unbelievable.  This recipe is originally from Dinner with Julie at http://dinnerwithjulie.com/ .

Sour Cream Ice Cream

2 cups full-fat sour cream

1 cup half-and-half

½ cup heavy whipping cream

½ cup sugar

1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice

½ teaspoon vanilla

pinch of salt


Whisk everything together. Pour the mix into your ice cream maker and freeze. (I cover the top of the ice cream with some plastic wrap to help prevent against freezer burn.)

Dr. Jekyll

83 year old man admitted with change in mental status.  Sweet as pie, but confused and forgetful.  Makes multiple attempts throughout the night to get out of bed by himself, setting off the bed exit alarm and prompting me to rush into the room, settle him back in bed, speak softly to him and remind him that he needs to call for help if he wants to get out of bed.  "Thank you for all the work you do, sweetheart", he says to me.  "It's no trouble at all.  Try to get some good rest tonight", I reply.

83 year old man admitted with change in mental status.  Obnoxious, but confused and forgetful.  Makes multiple attempts throughout the night to get ouf of bed by himself, setting off the bed exit alam and prompting me to rush into the room, settle him back in bed, speak softly to him and remind him that he needs to call for help if he wants to get out of bed.  "You're a downright witch, what's that in your pocket, did your parents leave you out in the cold?" he demands loudly of me, reaching his unwashed hands into my scrub pocket to grope for the pens, saline flushes and scissors there.  "Get your hands out of my pocket!  That is very rude!", I reply.

Where did that sweet, though slightly confused old man go?  DID YOU EAT HIM?!?

62 year old man admitted with pneumonia.  Homeless, absolutely filthy even after multiple intense scrubbings by staff, positive urine drug screen for opiates, elevated blood alcohol level upon admission.  The first night I cared for him as a new admission, I walked into the room to find feces all. over. everything.  Walls, floor, commode, bed, bedrails, patient... everything.  I patiently clean him up, he yells at me for bothering him, I firmly tell him that he has poop all over himself, and that part of being healthy is being clean and I simply cannot let him lie in that mess.  He concedes.  Refuses his meds.  Goes to sleep. 

The second night I have him, I receive in report that he was pleasant, calm, cooperative, agreeable to the treatment plan, taking all of his meds and resting comfortably.  I breathe a sigh of relief, happy to hear that his attitude about his healthcare seems to have changed.

I enter the room and find that he is refusing all assessments, all care, vital signs, meds, EVERYTHING.  He would not even permit me to take his temperature.  Uses explitives to get his point across.  Is completely disinterested in the fact that our nursing staff pooled money together and bought him new, clean clothes (to replace the ones saturated with urine and feces... including IN THE POCKETS... the smell of which made a seasoned nurse vomit when she handled them).  Yells until I finally leave the room. 




Sometimes, I can have seven patients, and it honestly feels like I'm caring for fourteen of them.  Holy hell.  I need some sleep.

Even as the days lengthen...

...I'm finding it difficult to find time to accomplish all that I need to.  There are days when I look at my Honeybunch and ask him, "How are we ever going to do this on a large scale?"

He works full time, and is building a business of making incredible LED and fire flow toys unlike any that I've seen on the market.  While mostly still in the R&D phase, he's producing staves and hoops for talented friends and acquaintances every so many weeks, prototypes of what he'll soon be able to introduce to the flow arts community at large.  It's amazing work, but time consuming and demanding of much of his energy.  There are circuit boards to be burnt (in the dark room, aka our shower), new LEDS to experiment with, programs to write and processes to streamline.  I'm very proud of him.

I work part time, and on paper that really sounds like I should be plowing through my To-Do lists on a daily basis with time to spare.  But somehow I am always behind.  I don't think it's a matter of poor time management... I multitask like a pro.  But still the laundry is never REALLY done, there are constantly dishes to be washed in the sink, fresh produce in the fridge waiting to be cooked, consumed or preserved, and weeds crop up almost as soon as my hand plow passes through the soil.

And there's aphids.  Slugs.  Chicken/cat/skunk poopies to be mucked out.  Inherited cold compost that hasn't been turned in two years, recently turned by my Honeybunch only to find infestation with horrible, awful pests that I shall not even name here!  Suddenly there's a need to construct an entirely new composting system, the tomato and pepper bed is in SERIOUS need of mulching in this hot weather, we run out of homemade laundry soap (AND out of the supplies to make it... what store did we find the washing soda at again?).  Oh yes, and I'd like to build some mosquito-proof rainwater barrels, please.

What really frightens me is that this sense of being overwhelmed comes when we're living in an APARTMENT in suburbia, with a few backyard garden beds and just under a dozen chickens.  How will we handle it all when there's a house to manage, hay to bale, a flock of sheep who need their hooves trimmed? 

I am trying to be kind to myself and believe that it's okay to be scared and overwhelmed, that this is a practice run and I'm new to the processes involved in building self reliance.  It's easier to eat vegetables that you've unceremoniously stripped of their sheer plastic garments, to wash your clothes with goo from a brightly colored plastic bottle, to eat pizza out of a cardboard box.  It is simpler to live a sterile life with no soil to scrub from beneath your fingernails, no animal feces to scrape off the bottoms of your boots, no little creature lives depending on you to close up the coop at night to keep them safe. 

I am not choosing this life because it is simple or easy.  I am choosing this life because it feels better, it tastes better, it is healthier for us and for our planet, it is guiltless (though not painless), more connected to the earth and the rhythms of nature, more fulfilling and challenging and fruitful.  I ache in my heart when aphids attack my lettuces because I am happiest seeing life spring from the good black earth that I've worked with my own hands.  I am not crazy, nor am I a masochist, and the benefits far outweigh the cost.

This is what I need to remember when I feel overwhelmed.