A most dreaded feeling...

...failure.

This is the thing I fear most.

When I went into work this morning, I felt okay.  An hour later, it was clear that I was NOT okay, and that I'd attempted to re-enter the workplace while still quite ill.  My head was foggy, my voice was leaving me, and I was hacking up green stuff.  I left two hours into the shift.   This, irrationally, feels like failure to me.

Now I am home, "resting", while I look around the homestead and see a million things that need doing, that I simply don't have the oomph and stamina to do right now.  That too, feels like failure.

I'm frustrated with myself.

I know it's silly, because I can't help being sick... but this is the fourth day of this business, and I've grown weary of it.  I have things I need to do, and they're not getting done.  Meanwhile, I see superhero humans like Honeybunch working their tails off.  While I lie in bed, feeling pathetic.  I can only hope that another day of rest will have me feeling 100% again, so that I might tackle the harrowing world of the ER and the almost-as-harrowing world of the farm with renewed gusto.  I don't feel like myself when I'm living the life of a house cat (eat, sleep, eat, sleep, stretch, bathe, eat, sleep...)

My house cats, however, seem thrilled to have me around to scratch their ears and cuddle them while they lounge on my bed all day long.